Brotherhood Across Borders
Reflections on Friendship
This time last year, I took a trip to Europe to celebrate the marriage of one of my best friends. Thijs and his beautiful bride Kelly tied the knot in the Netherlands, Thijs’s home country.
While Thijs grew up in Uitgeest, a quaint little Dutch town with historic windmills and kind people, he and his family immigrated to the United States when he was in middle school. Thijs and I actually went to Conestoga High School together. He played soccer. I played baseball. We ran into each other in the cafeteria and at weekend parties, but weren’t close. That changed when we both pledged Sigma Chi Fraternity our freshman year at Penn State.
Since then, Thijs and I have climbed mountains and made memories together in the Poconos, Alps, and Rockies.
The wedding was a blend of people and cultures—his loved ones from Holland, Kelly’s from Pittsburgh, our friends from Happy Valley, and their chosen family from Colorado. Thijs has always been one to bring people together, and their union was no different.
At the time, I was in the thick of my Kona build, peaking in my prep for the Ironman World Championship. Before I partied (ate my bodyweight in cookies) in Amsterdam, I paid a visit to my mate Greg, another fraternity brother, in London.
While Greg and I were friendly in college, we grew close post-grad thanks to shared interests—first in climbing, then in triathlon. Shortly after school, he moved in New York. On his trips back home to Pennsylvania, we’d link up at Gravity Vault, the local climbing gym. Over time, we swapped our harnesses and chalk bags for road bikes and running shoes.
Simultaneously, another one of our Sigma Chi brothers, Caleb, was diving into the world of multisport in his home state of Florida. The three of us, while separated by thousands of miles, were bonded by triathlon.
Greg was back in the States in the spring of 2023, so naturally we got Caleb on the horn, who jumped on the opportunity, and organized a training camp in Colorado. The three of us hadn’t been together since we raced 70.3 Atlantic City in 2021 and were overdue for a reunion. We enjoyed riding in the mountains, but cherished sharing space, sipping coffee, and searing steaks just as much.
Last year, after sharing my plans with Greg to be in Europe for Thijs’s wedding, I decided to first head to the UK. We once again rang Caleb, who happened to be in Sweden after racing Ironman Kalmar. And once again, Caleb spontaneously flew to meet us.
In tribute to our frat house days, we slept on floors, made meals, and drank together. Crowne Russe shots were replaced with espresso shots. Natty Light beer replaced with Guinness 0.0. All-nighters replaced with early bedtimes so we could get up and train.
For four days, we swam, biked, and ran, escaping our caloric deficits with pistachio gelato, Gail’s seeded sourdough, and Burford Browns free range eggs. With full stomachs and fuller hearts, we headed our separate ways—Caleb to Mallorca, me to Amsterdam—knowing we created memories that will last a lifetime.
When I left the corporate world last spring, my finances took a hit. While I saved money living at home after college and during the pandemic, it was demoralizing to see my hard-earned savings dwindle away. It still is.
Feeling strapped, I debated even going to Europe for the wedding last year; however, my brother Eric posed a helpful question.
“What’s the point of having money if you never spend it?”
In Die with Zero, Bill Perkins shares that delayed gratification to the extreme is deprivation. Similarly, in the Algebra of Wealth, Scott Galloway reminds us that money is the means. The end? Deep and meaningful relationships. Greatness and happiness are in the agency of others.
Living on the other side of the country from my parents and most people I grew up and went to school with, I’ve admittedly let some relationships fall through the cracks. Some intentional. Some accidental.
For years, I fought against my shrinking social circle, but over time, I’ve come to accept and embrace it. Everyone is on their own path. What matters is surrounding yourself with like-minded people who support the future version of you.
It’s important to have others by your side—who you can rely upon, vent to, cry on the shoulder of, share struggles and triumphs with. A true friend is around when you have nothing to offer, but roots for you and is truly happy for you when you succeed.
Not only are Thijs and Greg two of my biggest cheerleaders, but they serve as sounding boards. They’re on the short list of people I call when I’m in it. Often, they call me because they sense I need help. They listen with presence. They sit in the mud with me, expecting nothing in return.
Thank you for sharing! Your reflections are lessons we can all apply. 🩵
Beasts of Strava