Finding Purpose
Making Meaning from Obstacles and Chasing a Feeling
I fractured my pelvis three weeks before the 2024 Ironman World Championship in Kona. I grieved. After the initial shock, I shared the news with friends. One of my buddies in my men’s group, Better’men’t, reached out and held space for me.
After letting me vent, Mario told me, “There’s a time for grit and a time for grace, a time for striving and a time for surrendering.” That line stuck with me and was one of the biggest lessons I learned last year.
When Mario and I met the rest of our friends at the Cedar Trunk Ranch for our annual retreat in December, he led a powerful breakout session and asked us the following questions:
What are you uniquely good at?
What didn’t go your way that led to something better (than expected)?
What activities make you feel the most alive/in flow?
My answers:
High pain tolerance (suffering), persevering, seeing things through, discipline, writing, teaching
Not getting into the University of Chicago for baseball, not receiving an offer from Citi’s Sales & Trading division, cycling accident, romantic relationship breakup in 2022
Riding my bike, climbing mountains, skiing, being in nature with an elevated heart rate, laughing, mushrooms, back half of an Ironman marathon, exploring the limits of my potential (mind, body, spirit)
We went around the horn, sharing our strengths, failures, and passions. Mario, a coach for dadpreneurs, was in his element. A religious man, he expressed his belief that the intersection of these responses is what God put you on Earth to do and that everything happens for a reason.
While I’m agnostic, we agreed that purpose is found in a similar way. Sara Blakely, the billionaire founder of Spanx, has said it’s found at the intersection of what you love to do (passion), what you’re good at (skill), and what value you provide to the world. It reminds me of the Japanese concept Ikigai, translated as “that which makes life worth living”:
The ironic tragedy is that life has to be lived forward, but only makes sense in reverse. The dots only connect looking backward. Sometimes the journey includes pain; however, that pain does not mean it’s the wrong one.
If it was easy, it wouldn’t be worth having. The trick isn’t to get away from the pain. The trick is to find something so important that the pain ceases to matter at all—something I learned from Mark Manson, the bestselling author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, and his “shit sandwich” idea.
A good life isn’t a life that’s easy. A good life is a life that makes you into a good person. And that’s probably a hard life.
A former drinking buddy once told me, "Growth and comfort cannot coexist.” While those were maybe the wisest words he ever uttered, he’s right.
Familiar with the story of the Chinese farmer? I learned about it from Dan Bilzerian, of all people, on Rogan’s podcast years ago. Watch the video below:
Astrophysicist Janna Levin once said, “I used to resent obstacles along the path, thinking, ‘If only that hadn’t happened, life would be so good.’ Then I suddenly realized, life is the obstacles. There is no underlying path.”
The struggles are what give life meaning. They’re also what force us to make changes and course correct. However, having a high tolerance for discomfort presumes you can endure that discomfort longer than less resilient, less stubborn people. An example of this is when I was immediately unhappy and unfulfilled after beginning my finance career, yet I stayed at the investment bank for six years.
Last week, I guided my first group in the mountains. Despite a 3 AM wakeup, ten and a half hours in the wilderness, a spur-of-the-moment climb up the Manitou Incline, and a drive back to Boulder, I felt invigorated. I called my girlfriend, excited to share the details of my awesome day—better than any day I had at J.P. Morgan.
When I left my 9-5 last year, it was to go all in on triathlon and hopefully qualify for Kona. That dream came true. Although I started coaching the year before, I didn’t have a business plan. I still don’t, though maybe that’s foolish. While I want to continue learning and building, I’m content without an empire.
I got into this business to have flexibility and control over my schedule. It’s why this publication is titled Crushing Tuesdays—because life’s too short to live for the weekends. Remember the parable of the Mexican fisherman. As James Clear said, there’s “Too much focus on wealth, not enough focus on lifestyle.”
Guiding the Heffernan family on Pikes Peak made me realize I’m thinking too small. Or putting myself in a box. While I enjoy coaching runners and triathletes 1-1, I’m more excited about leading people in the mountains and creating a shared experience. I grinned from ear to ear sharing stories, tips, and tricks with friends at a dinner party this weekend.
There are countless ways to earn a living. Everything has a business behind it. I’m starting to believe that if I continue to pour myself into the activities that bring me joy, there’s no chance I fail. It works, or I have a great story to tell—either way, I win. On deathbeds, most people regret the things they didn’t do, not the things they did.
I remember watching an interview with Sam Laidlow’s mom before his breakthrough performance in Kona in 2022, which set the stage for him to become the youngest Ironman World Champion in 2023. The interviewer asked if it bothered her that Sam receives the hate and criticism he does for appearing arrogant, to which she replied something along the lines of, “Yes, but he has to believe it can happen before anyone else does.”
The world belongs to optimists. If you’re going to do anything big, you have to believe it can happen, otherwise it never will. And remember, you will never be criticized by someone doing more than you.
The longer I explore entrepreneurship, the more I realize success doesn’t necessarily belong to the smartest people, but to those with courage who are willing to take risks and imperfect action. To be someone you’ve never been, you have to do something you’ve never done.
Before winning the Masters, securing the Grand Slam, and cementing his legacy as one of the all-time greats, Rory McIlroy shared a tip from his sports psychologist, Dr. Bob Rotella. Instead of focusing on results or outcomes, he was encouraged to “chase a feeling.” How do you want to feel on the golf course? If you make that, the feeling, the important thing, the golf will likely take care of itself.
In the end, and in the wise words of my favorite comedian Jimmy Carr, “Everyone is jealous of what you've got, no one is jealous of how you got it.” They’ll see the trophies, not the training. Everybody wants the view, but no one wants the climb.
Start today. Start scared. Just start.
Grit & Grace model... Love this